Gracie called me yesterday at the Dunes while I was resting from my hectic day of running from one dentist officer to another. She said a shitfaced Faggypants had just arrived at the bar. Street Jimmy was actually assisting him he was so fucked up. According to Gracie , Faggypants said he'd been injured and needed to go to her house and recuperate. Gracie offered to let him sleep for an hour or two on the wooden bench in the bar and when he refused she said he could take the sleeping bag and sleep in the basement. He said he didn't want to appear to be a homeless person. Grace said he was acting like one. Eventually Faggypants stormed out of the bar accompanied by Street Jimmy. I was eager to hear Faggypants' side of the story in the morning.
When I got to the bar around eight the Defense Attorney was sitting in the window with Gunther. She's very nervous about her child molester case and was barely drinking. When Street Jimmy came in he wanted a beer . After tossing a dollar onto the bar I let him sit down next to Mierka. He said that Faggypants and him had been to the park yesterday morning when Faggypants got off of work and had some vodka and lemonade in the park. "He was kinda fucked up and he got on a bus and then a couple of hours later he came back even more fucked up and he was bleedin' and he said he was dehydrated from no water and then Gracie an' him had a fight and I tol' him he don' know how to survive on the street but he left."
When Mierka had joined me she'd asked Clown why he had defriended her on Face Book. Clown simply sneered at her. Now everyone knows when Clown is drunk and in a surly mood it's best to ignore him but not Mierka. She persisted. Finally Clown said, "don't ever talk to me again!" Mierka is obviously a slow learner and continued to question Clown. I suggested that she stop badgering him. She says it's because she's pals with Becca.
"Mierka, in the great scheme of things, who cares. "
"But he said I should never talk to him again."
"He tells me that all the time."
"He defriended me."
"Hundreds of people defriend me every month."
Mierka was being a total drama queen which is to be expected from a wonderful actress. Fortunately she switched gears and got into her peace and love mode.
Street Jimmy said that he was concerned that Sergio wasn't going to bring him to North Chicago to work on his house anymore, "he don' call me or nothin'."
"He told me you don't work hard."
"Hell I don't." Jimmy went on to say something quite remarkable, "there's another dude named Sergio that lives at his house."
"Really, and what does the other Sergio look like?"
"Jus' like Sergio."
"And have you ever seen both Sergio's together?"
"Nah, they always be separated."
"So why do you think they are two different people?"
"Cause one be up all night, an the other work all day."
Mierka asked to borrow my note pad. She wrote several notes: "it is the first time Mierka has been defriended. I cared about lame assed Clown. Mierka is sure that Clown is not a good soul and will not come in Ale House when he is present."
I thought the note was a bit overly dramatic.
When Street Jimmy looked up from his beer and saw Lithuanian Jeff sitting in the corner he said, "hey, ain't you the guy whose bike I stole? " Jeff nodded. "Hey, I 'm sorry about that, I apologize from my heart." Jeff accepted Jimmy's apology graciously.
This morning as I was walking to the bar there were dozens of trucks and hundreds of workers getting busy to make some kind of commercial at Old Town Social. On Hudson Street they were tearing up the street and in front of the bar they were fucking with the water valve. Fortunately we were on the side that wasn't effected . When Faggypants showed up he was predictably defensive. "Your daughter really treated me like dirt yesterday when I needed help."
"I heard you were drunk out of your stupid mind."
"No I wasn't, I was injured, look," he said showing me a slightly bruised , skinned right elbow, "I was walking up the escalator of the Jackson Street El and a three hundred pound black lady fell back on me and squished me. It was an accident and she was very apologetic , she said 'sorry sweety, I just slipped, ' but my ribs hurt and my back hurt so I paid seventeen dollars for a cab and came back to the bar because I was dehydrated and needed a place to rest and she wouldn't let me have the keys to her apartment."
"Let's review the facts, you had six or seven beers on an empty stomach , you then bought a bottle of vodka and went to the park with Street Jimmy and drank it in ninety five degree weather and then probably went to Brando's and had some more beer. This suggests that you are a fucking imbecile."
"Please don't yell at me."
"I'm not yelling, I'm just suggesting that your an idiot, that's all."
Faggypants implored me not to yell at Grace, "we had a talk and I forgave her."
"That is very gallant of you, Faggypants."
When Clown and Street Jimmy arrived Faggypants once again described his harrowing experience with the fat black lady at the El station. "I was like a pillow, I probably saved her from really hurting herself, luckily I was holding onto the railing.
I was sitting next to Clown reading the papers when Mierka called. She said she'd been up all night worrying that the Clown would kill her.
"Why do you think Clown wants to kill you."
"Because he said I should never talk to him again."
I lectured Mierka for about five minutes about over reacting to bar situations. When I was done she thanked me for talking her off the ledge.
When I told Clown what she'd said he said, "that's strange."
"Clown, you're strange."